Since I'm your typical nerd, I was looking up articles online when I came across one that mentioned the health benefits of lemons. With all these crazy diseases going around, I thought it'd be a good thing to consider. We all could afford to help out the ole immune system, eh? To start things off I'm going to remind you why it is you want to protect said immune system. There are plenty of gross diseases out there.... AIDS, mumps, chickenpox, mononucleosis (people just can't control their hormones and still makeout away when they are of ill health. Fools, I say!), Herpes (FUN FACT: You can get it playing beer pong. Yikes!), and now the infamous SWINE FLU. Now that you're motivated to get healthy, I'll give you one tip to make it happen: when life gives you lemons-- MAKE, DRINK, & IF POSSIBLE SHOWER YOURSELF IN LEMONADE. You will not regret it. In general, "[The lemon] is a sour, warm, promoter of gastric fire, light, good for vision, pungent and astringent."..... so that might not be the most convincing aspect. In fact that makes lemons seem like they have downright nastay effects. Maybe the fact that it "checks the excessive flow of bile" or "dislodges phlegm" will help? Still not sold I'm guessing. This WILL convince you without making you want to upchuck. (Whoever wrote the article I read clearly was not as eloquent as me.)
The following are what you get in return for eating the citrus wonder:
- It helps with rheumatism. (Big word for inflamed joints)
- It can kick the bootimi (that's plural for bootimus) of MALARIA and TYPHOID bacteria. Wowza! That's shocking!
- Vitamin C, baybaaay. We all need it. We alllll love it.
- You can avoid the same drama experienced by Vasco De Gama. (He was that dude that was the 1st to sail around the Cape of Good Hope and whatnot....) His fellow sailor buds died of scurvy. That's rough... But guess what would've changed that. Yep. Lemony goodness.
- If you're diabetic like my dog, it can help relieve thirst.
- When you get too hot to handle (particularly feverish, that is) then it can palliate the fever (unless the only prescription for you is MORE COWBELL!... SNL reference that I could only hope you understand. I would give you the link, but all the videos for it have been deleted b/c of a stupid copyright on Youtube... I tried... I failed.... I apologize.)
- It can de-constipate you... yeah.
- It has potassium, which is lovely for your heart. (It's the fruit that loves you back.)
- It helps with high blood pressure.
- If you want to climb Mt. Everest do it by all means... as long as those means include lemons. That guy Edmund Hillary said that he couldn't have breathed way up there without his little citrus friends that can help the respiratory system.
- They're just plain tangy/delicious/juicy!
- They're good for your vision. I wouldn't be too surprised if you could get X-Ray vision from these guys. They're that potent.
Well... That's about it. If you're feeling fruity you can read more about lemons here, but if not... just take my word for it.
My word: Lemons are divine. They don't grow on da vines though. I am officially exhausted and embarrassed because I made a terribly painful pun (I bet a lemon could fix that pain with ease though!), so this is a safe place to stop... before I cause further detriment to my self-esteem.
Good night, world! I hope to see you disease-free and lemon-ified soon!
