I Know The Meaning Of Life! (Thanks Ask.com!)

People look for meaning in a lot of things: the Bible, trusted friends, counselors, philosophies of ancients like Plato, etc. But why stop there? Why not look for meaning in one of the most powerful entities known to mankind-- THE INTERNET! It's so obvious! The answers to all our questions are right at our disposal, and that's just what we're doing... disposing. It's quite sad really. All you have to do is go onto Ask.com and ask, "What is the meaning of life?"

It will answer (quite climactically, I might add) with:

"The meaning of life is a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of human existence."

Crap... Well that just sucks.

But I was not giving up! I knew the answer was out there. I just knew it. Next I just decided to go to TheMeaningOfLife.com... Let me just tell you right now, I was über excited when the website started loading. I was thinking, "Eureka! By George, I think I've got it!" along with some other 'profound discovery sayings' of the like when on the screen appeared an ad with a link to a website... selling LIFE the boardgame. I was just about over the disappointment, but being an optimist made me keep a'searchin' through the interweb for the answer to the question we are all (ironically enough) dying to know. 

You see, they have these pretty rad little ask and answer things online where you can view questions people ask a lot and the answers that people give. I looked at the highest ranked answers of course-- I go for quality, guys-- because they're the most trustworthy. I mean who knows? Some of the deepest minds of the world could be collaborating online to find these answers. And there they were. My excitement was seething within... 

Until I read them:

"Your main purpose is to survive by any means and to reproduce."

Umm... Ew. Okay, so that wasn't Einstein's response. Pretty bleak, too. But wait, there were more!

"We are here to have lots and lots of fun, sex, good food and take care of each other!"

Still twisted, but at least this person's friendly and concerned for others.

...And then it came, a beacon of hope upon my darkened horizon, a bastion of comfort encompassing my seemingly unbearable angst & despondency:

"42. It's categorically inverted by the integers of the divine fraction, thus making it a necessary key to the sub-complex division of life's true cause. This was proved by philosopher Charles Leland in the 19th Century."

Well, now it all just makes sense! My faith in humanity is so vast right now. I think I can sleep at night now.... Thanks, The Internet, and goodnight!