Yesterday I got my fourth concussion. Now you're probably thinking, "Wow... She must mud wrestle with bears or ride bucking broncos while being greased in oil frequently to be concussed so often." Noooo... I'm just a stupid klutz. I trip over: my shoe laces, pieces of paper, nothingness, etc. I get mysterious bruises, unintentionally stab myself with dull objects (for ex. bread sticks), pass out all too often, and eat the floor with my head/face... a lot. Just so you know, floors don't taste so great, and they're home to bacteria because people walk on them... with SHOES! SHOES that have been covered in the germs of public bathrooms, dog poo, and cooties in general! At least I know pencils aren't "lethal" anymore cuz they're made of graphite now instead of lead (doesn't change the fact that they're sharp and could very well end up in my heart and/or jugular in one of my clumsier moments).
The injury that takes the cake definitely occurred on March 3, 2009 (in a doctor's office). To you that may sound convenient, ironic......or just downright HILARIOUS, but to me it sounds like a normal day in the life of Rachel, failure, and embarrassment... with a hint of amnesia.
I was getting shots with the doc, a pretty normal thing, as I wish to be immune to many things (meningitis, awkwardness, people that spit waterfalls whilst speaking, hiccups, clowns, and dolls). I do pretty well with shots, so it was weird that I began blacking out. I tried to shift my body so I wouldn't fall off the patient table. Instead, I plunged forward, causing my head to receive the brunt of my fall. Now the second part is just what I heard from my two witnesses (who tragically didn't have the catlike reflexes required to save me). I have no recollection of this, being that I was ummm... UNCONSCIOUS! I believed them when I felt the baseball-sized lump on my head and the delish pain that accompanied it. I woke up not knowing where I was, what day it was, or... anything else. It. was. awesome. (No... It wasn't.)
That's basically my life as a clutz thus far. Many more injuries to come, I assure you.
Here's the diagnosis, kiddies: Mid-level serious concussion, amnesia, & hurt ego. RIGHT ON!
Oh, and if you're bored, here's a fun game you can play, but it will only work for a few more days (I hope!). It's called "RACHEL HAS A SHORT TERM MEMORY AND JUST MIGHT BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU TELL HER." Have fun!
That is all. Stay in school. Avoid pointy objects. Go to the doctor's office... if you DARE!
A few things to discuss:
ReplyDelete1) You still owe me that $200 dollars you borrowed last summer.
2) You would injure yourself at a doctor's office...breaking apart all social norms since 1992.
3) And you are MY sister...what the heck are you doing passing out during routine vaccinations?
4) It's official. You are adopted.
5) Ignore the fact that you have my face.
I was adopted, too.