I am not one for normalcy. My day-to-day life is weird enough being that I'm... special. Yes. That's what I'll call it. My dreams are no different. Let me share one dream in particular that really left an impression on me and that definitely takes the cake for "weirdest dream ever" (and doesn't share any with me, the person whose psyche invented it... RUDE!).
It started out like any normal Rachel dream. I was fighting off an alien invasion. Fortunately, I'm always prepared (Boy Scout style) with a laser gun (not Boy Scout style... I think.) in my dreams, so the war didn't take forever. I was just disappointed the little squid people with brain-filled helmets had to interrupt the homecoming festivities. After my championing of the evil space men, I accompanied my friend Kathryn to her house for a little celebration of the demise of ET's cousins. As always, she offered me some acorns. SUCH a delish treat, but unfortunately my consumption of them is limited to my dreams being that acorns are in fact poisonous. Being the clumsy person I am (the only realistic aspect of this dream), I accidentally drop an acorn down my shirt. No big deal, right? WRONG. The acorn becomes multiple acorns, which proceed to shimmy their way into the back of my jeans as I try to dance them out of my shirt. Quite the little problem. I run to Kathryn's back yard to take off my pants and avoid being seen by anyone "lookin' like a fool with [my] pants on the ground." (I'm modest in real life, too, Hakuna Matata... It means 'no worries.') While doing this I spot two squirrels. At first I think nothing. Actually I did think, "Hey squirrels," but what I meant was that I thought nothing significant of the situation... until... I realized. I had acorns... in... my... PANTS. This could only mean one thing (no, I do not watch that show. It was the first thing that came up when I typed in "squirrel" on YouTube, and I was pleased because it was oddly fitting). The little monsters immediately caught trace of the scent and proceeded to stalk me, bellowing loudly, snarling, and gnashing their fangs. I immediately threw the nuts at them and ran for it whilst screaming like a girl (Okay, one more realistic part of the dream... I am a girl. And squirrels do like nuts.) I was very relieved... and very curious as to whether or not somebody had slipped something into my water bottle before I fell asleep... when I awoke the next morning and discovered that my pants were still on, free of acorns and free of squirrels.
This still was a rude awakening (pun-intended). I decided to search for reasons for this dream, and it didn't take me long. I quickly recalled the time a squirrel followed me to my front door at home. It began in a tree at the end of the driveway. Every time I continued walking away it would growl and make this weird chirping sound. I would turn around, and it would nonchalantly look side to side and freeze. The process continued until I got to the path to the front door, at which point I ran inside to escape the monster.
Yes, this is a long introduction, but I had to help you fully understand my hatred for squirrels. The real reason I'm writing this is to convince you that squirrels are nothing but evil conveniently wrapped in fur and sometimes rabies. Now, go on to Part Dos to learn why my dreams are not nearly as irrational as previously believed.
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